Forgive One Another (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13)

The Meaning of Forgiveness

The New Testament uses four major words for forgiveness. Three of them carry the sense of cancelling a debt. When you sin against someone, you incur a debt of guilt; when you forgive, you write off that debt and say, "There is no longer a barrier between us. You don't owe me anything. You're free." The fourth word means something given freely and graciously — a reminder that forgiveness is always undeserved. The person who wronged you has done wrong; they deserve to face consequences. But forgiveness is a gift that costs the giver, not the receiver. Our English word "forgive" reflects this: literally, it means to not give someone what they deserve.

This is why the objection "She doesn't deserve to be forgiven" misses the point entirely. Of course she doesn't — no one does. That is the whole point of forgiveness. If it were deserved, it would not be forgiveness at all.

The Motivation for Forgiveness

Why should we forgive someone who has wronged us? One answer is simply that the Lord commands it. But He gives us more than bare duty — He gives us a powerful motivation: "Forgive as the Lord forgave you." By definition, a Christian is a forgiven person. We owed God an infinite mountain of debt, and He cancelled it. Although we did not deserve it, God forgave us — and that is meant to make us outstandingly forgiving people.

That is the point of the parable of the unmerciful servant. A man who owed an unpayable fortune was graciously released from his debt, then turned around and throttled a fellow servant over a comparatively trivial sum. We read the parable and think: what a nasty piece of work. And yet we so often do the same. Every one of us deserves to be in hell right now. God has not only spared us from that but bound us for heaven — and then somebody at church says something insensitive, and we brood over it and pick at it like a scab for months. Do we really grasp how much we have been forgiven?

The Manner of Forgiveness

"Forgive as the Lord forgave you" tells us not only why to forgive but how. When God forgives, He promises never again to hold those sins against the sinner: "I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more" (Jeremiah 31:34). You could search the whole universe and never find them — they are gone for good. Four qualities of God's forgiveness should be reflected in ours.

It Is a Promise

When we say "I forgive you," we are making a solemn promise — as solemn as wedding vows. We are promising not to hold that sin against the person who wronged us, and not to raise the issue again in three ways: not to the person who hurt us (you cannot use forgiven sin as ammunition in future arguments — "While we're on the subject of insensitivity, let me remind you of what you said three weeks ago…"), not to others (you behave as though it did not happen), and not even to yourself. This last may be the hardest. Do not brood over it. Do not replay what they did. Do not allow bitterness to take root and produce its toxic fruit in your heart. With God's help, it can be done.

It Is Immediate

As soon as someone repents and asks for forgiveness, we must give it. God does not put us on probation for a few weeks to see whether we are really sorry, and He tells us to do the same. Jesus says: "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him" (Luke 17:3). The world says: let him stew for a while; make him suffer before you forgive. There is something in us that likes that. But Jesus goes further: "Even if they sin against you seven times in a day, and seven times come back to you saying 'I repent,' you must forgive them" (Luke 17:4). Seventy times seven is not literally 490, after which forgiveness becomes optional — it means there is no limit. And it is just as well, because it would not take us long to reach it.

It Is Comprehensive

Paul says: "Forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another." Not some. Not most. Whatever. It does not matter how severe or damaging the sin — God requires us to forgive it. The world says, "I will never forgive him for this." Christians cannot say that about any wrong done to them. If God forgives us for rebellion against Him, for trampling over His laws, for idolatry — how dare we impose a higher standard for our own forgiveness? Who do we think we are? The master's words in Matthew 18 are chilling: "You wicked servant. I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?"

It Is Conditional

Forgiveness cannot be granted until it is sought. Jesus says, "If he repents, forgive him" (Luke 17:3). This does not mean we bottle up hatred and resentment in the meantime. We should have a forgiving spirit — ready, willing, longing to forgive — but we cannot actually grant forgiveness until the person who wronged us repents and asks for it. That is how God deals with us: we are not forgiven unless we repent and ask for mercy.

Some years ago, a church worker in England resigned because she could not bring herself to forgive the jihadists responsible for her daughter's death in the 7 July London bombings. Her honesty was admirable, but she seems to have felt she was obligated to forgive unrepentant terrorists. The Bible does not teach that. We should have a spirit of forgiveness toward those who sin against us — a willingness and desire to forgive the moment it is asked for. But there is all the difference in the world between someone who hurts you and could not care less, and someone who comes to you broken with remorse, confesses their sin without self-justification, and humbly pleads for forgiveness.

Does It Really Matter?

Whenever we are tempted to downplay the importance of forgiveness, we need only recall the Lord's Prayer: "Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us." This is the only petition out of six that Jesus returns to and expands upon in Matthew 6:14–15. He teaches that if we refuse to forgive others, we disqualify ourselves for God's forgiveness — because a refusal to forgive suggests we have never truly experienced it ourselves.

Psalm 86 describes the Lord as "good, and keen to forgive." As Christians, we are called to be like our Father in heaven. Can you say that about yourself today — that you are keen to forgive? Perhaps there is an unresolved grievance in your life. Perhaps you cannot yet forgive because the person has not come to you in repentance. But are you praying every day that God will bring them to you so that you can? Forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

This sermon is part of the One Another Commands series at Covenant Christian Fellowship, Galway. See also the companion sermon on Confess Your Sins to One Another (James 5:16).